LIFE IS WHAT YOU MAKE IT

Pic 4 - Unfinished Seascape

          Life is what you make it. There's a lot of truth in those words. Whether it's for the good or not so good often depends upon the decisions we make when confronted by obstacles that we have no idea how to handle. At age 76, I'm still of a firm belief that much of what happens to us as we proceed through life is mostly made possible by our own hands; no matter how chaotic life may seem, we usually remain in control of our own lives. Sure, there are surprises we can't anticipate that occur outside our little realms that often toss our little juggling balls around and the ones we catch while they're all up in the air may not be the best choices. But even if they are the wrong choices, one can sometimes remedy the negativity, which they may incur, in other words pull ourselves up by the bootstraps and make the best of it. I can't speak for others but I doubt that I'm alone when it comes to making bad choices. Like anyone, I have a lot of regrets regarding some of the choices I've made, choices which undoubtedly affected the remainder of my days. However, as I bumped my way through life up to this point, I've learned to sidestep, camouflage or mold those bad decisions into an acceptance I'm able to cope with, which occasionally even means lying to myself - whatever gets me through the day so to speak. At the moment, I've reached another crossroad in life. It's a major one for me because seldom ever being sick during my whole life, don't even get hangovers, my body has suddenly been invaded by cancer. Hardly ever taken a pill of any kind in my whole life, I'm not sure how my body will stand up to the chemo and radiation and all the other possible remedies, including the operation. I've had to and still have tough decisions to make regarding my health and for the first time, even my possible death. 

          When the doctor hands me some pamphlets regarding last wishes if everything happens to go sideways, I don't die but no longer have my faculties, my wits about me, would I like to have my life prolonged? This is a pretty big "life is what you make it" decision but I feel it would be a little unfair of me to lay this burden on the shoulders of the people I love, for them to have to make that decision, especially one, which they might feel guilty about the rest of their days. So, I don't kid myself, I'm an old guy, all kinds of things could go wrong once I'm out cold lying on my back in the operating room; the surgeon standing over me holding a sharp blade in his hand. Anyway, if worse comes to worse, I wrote and signed a little document informing everyone of my wishes. I don't know why, but it reminds me of a time years ago when a life insurance salesman came knocking at the door. When he told me about all the benefits and how my wife and family would be looked after, an "investment in the future", being a businessman at that time I responded, "I'm not interested. I don't see how investing in my future demise is beneficial." Maybe I should get in touch with a life insurance company now, I wonder what my rate would be, probably so high I'd wish I was dead once it came time to start making payments.

Tow Hill - Haida Gwaii, BC

          Not too sure how my future is looking but as I continue painting the seascape, I'm reminded of a time I rode my motorcycle and took a ferry to Haida Gwaii about 30 years ago. I camped near the base of Tow Hill that pokes up out of a rocky beach, the Northern Pacific caressing and at stormy times slapping its bottom. The Hiellen River flows into the sea at this location and just before dark, the hint of stars in the heavens, I could see a tree, its silhouette greeting the incoming tide. Although the steep cliffs in the painting don't resemble Tow Hill nor does the tree look anything like the one I saw everyday for the week I was there, the painting still puts me in touch with that time alone, just me, Tow Hill and the tree. I climbed Tow Hill in the pouring rain (rains a lot in Haida Gwaii) and the view from the top is spectacular. The sandy, wind swept beach stretches out to a place called Rose Spit, which I hiked to on a warm sunny day. It was tough slogging through the deep sand and by the time I arrived back at camp I had blisters on both feet. That night, after sterilizing a large salmon fishing hook in the campfire, I popped them all, the relief almost instantaneous. I don't know what it is about Haida Gwaii, whether it's mystical or spiritual, but there is a captivating sense about those islands and when the time came for me to pack up my stuff and bike off, before leaving I strolled out to the tree, took one last lingering look around and then gave it a big hug...peace, eh - Trip

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