JOHNNY OUTFITS, COLD CHILLS AND FEELING FUNNY

A lady asked about my gum boots
and I told her that if I really had to
use the toilet and it was occupied,
then I could just fill my boots.

          A week today, Monday morning, I'll be in a hospital change room selecting the latest Johnny shirt asking myself, "Should I wear this one or that one? I wonder which shade of blue is more becoming?" Meanwhile, the doc will be sharpening up his knives, after which, he will pull a hair from his head, toss it into the air and see if it gets cut in two when it lands on the skinny, sharp edge of the blade. Yup, I'll be having a long-awaited operation on the 7th of May, which I don't particularly care to think about, but is subconsciously on my mind every day, like it or not. Although an operation may be an exciting procedure, I am not feeling particularly excited, mostly wondering about the outcome. But since none of that is happening until a week away and it's such a beautiful day outside and I have things to do before I'm physically unable to do much of anything except try to heal, I had better finish writing this blog. 

          Last night, just before it was time to go to sleep, the urge to pee, sent me shuffling from the bed to the toilet like an old man, oh yeah, I am an old man. I had barely managed to lift the lid and reach for my penis when things started feeling funny, a hard to describe sensation but nonetheless, a sensation that I've experienced before. I hadn't even finished peeing before, I felt my body suddenly getting colder and colder and I began shivering, could even hear my teeth clinking together inside my head. Feeling very peculiar as if I might pass out, and not wanting to dive headfirst into the toilet bowl, I scurried back to the bedroom
and threw myself into bed, pulling the covers tightly up to my chin. Sarah asked me if she should call an ambulance or perhaps start driving me to the hospital, which is a long, long drive away on a dark night with moose prowling the roads. Realizing help is not really nearby, I told her I thought the strange feelings that I was experiencing would pass. Besides, depending on the seriousness of my shaky ordeal, if something was dramatically wrong with me, thinking it's highly unlikely I would arrive at the hospital in time anyway, I might as well sit it out for a few more minutes. Sarah took my temperature, which had very suddenly dropped to 35C and said, "If it drops any lower, we have to go to the hospital." As the tremors throughout my body began to still, I could feel my body heating up and before much time had passed my temperature had climbed to 36.4C and I was feeling much better. Maybe it was a case of pre-operation jitters, butterflies in my head, I mean after all, pretty soon I'll be a star in my own mind, waddling sexy like down the runway in my Johnny-outfit, then being tucked under the covers on the gurney and then wheeled into the OR under the bright lights.

          I can't say that I was scared last night as I lay in bed, my Sarah cuddled up to me to help keep me warm but as I felt her body entwined with mine, I couldn't help wondering how much time I have remaining. I mean, I don't kid myself, although it wasn't that long ago, this old man was feeling really good and was physically active - it's just a matter of time until I roll snake-eyes - my life is definitely a crap-shoot and I don't have too many times remaining of being tossed up against a wall to see if I'll still land on my feet. Only a week to go before the doc begins to slice and dice, nick and prick, poke and joke, prod and nod, then wipe the sweat from his brow and begin to re-sew all the guts he took apart and readjusted. But hey, after it's all over and for being such a good boy on the operating table, I've been led to believe that I'll be rewarded with some real good, mind-blowing drugs and with that thought in mind, time to toke up and forget about my problems...peace, eh! - Trip

My wife and I recently started up an Etsy Store a little while ago and if you'd like to check out our artistic creations just click on the link.