I wanted to write and post this blog yesterday but due to a rectal biopsy two days ago, it's taken longer than I thought to recover from the enema, anesthetic and the operation. As I was stretching out for most of yesterday, wondering why I was in so much pain, it all came back to me. Just after my hospital bed rolled down the hallway and then stopped outside the operating room, a sign on the door said, C-SECTIONS. Thinking this was sort of odd, I said to the pretty nurse who was in charge of me, "I don't know if I'm up to having a C-Section and I really don't want any more kids, especially at this age."
She laughed and then said, "But you would make history and the Guinness Book of Records. You'd be the first man to give birth!"
We were both laughing when she pushed me into the OR. However, after I'd skooched over onto the operating table, laid on my back in the appropriate spot, I began to get a little nervous after she strapped down my arms and especially when she said, "Now, lift up your legs so I can get them in the stirrups."
The last time I climbed into stirrups, it was to sit astride a magnificent steed, not lying on my back with my legs parted so the doc could get a good look up my hairy orifice. I noticed he was wearing a light on his head, which didn't surprise me because I expect it's pretty dark up there where the sun never shines. As I watched the anesthesiologist injecting the anesthetic into me she said, "Time for your afternoon cocktail."
To which I replied, "Nothing like good drugs," and then I started counting to see how long it would take before I was out, "One...Two...Thr..."
Apparently they had difficulty waking me after the surgery and I figure they either had to give me a shot of something else or hoisted up my bare ass and gave me a spanking - I have to admit, it was stinging a little bit.
By the time I left the hospital, I felt great, so my wife and I went to a restaurant for lunch. I was ravenous since I hadn't had anything to eat since supper the day before. And as I was pounding back the bacon and eggs, I was thinking about cleaning the snow and ice off the roofs the next day but when I woke up the next morning, I was so stiff and sore, I could barely walk. The nurse told me that the operation would only take about 15 minutes but I have a feeling I was stretched out in the stirrups longer than that.
I'm still walking rather stiffly today but at least there isn't too much pain (actually don't know what it's like to go without a little pain each day). Life has certainly gone sideways for me ever since cancer invaded my A-hole but in comparison to a year ago, I've come a long way. Having been a physically active person all my life, I may push myself a little harder than necessary and the amount of pain that I may suffer feels good - makes me realize that I'm still alive...cheers, eh!
Don't know if you read the last blog and although it might look serious, it's anything but - should put a smile on your face...cheers, eh!
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