INCREDIBLE MARIJUANA HEIST

Page from my recent colouring book
that I drew and wrote the poetry.
18 pages dedicated to the hippie era
Only $10. plus $2.00 shipping

           The thing about an old guy like me, there's not much of a future ahead but looking back, in comparison, there's a helluva lot more past. And the thing about getting old, you never want to get me yappin' because I don't know when to shut up. However, since my fingers don't do a rapid tap-dance on the computer keys, like my mouth flappin' in the breeze, I have to say a lot in as few words as possible.

               Due to some physical issues, which at times can get a wee bit depressive, I try to keep this blog a touch on the funny side if I can. Thinking back to a time, only months into my first marriage, which although the event was a bit risky, I'd like to share a tale about when my friend and I pulled off an incredible marijuana heist.

          The tale starts at the beginning of the 70's in the summer time, the real hippie-dippy era, when everything was cool man, far out and outta sight. My friend Jimmy and I met when we were working in TV together in Lethbridge. When he moved to Calgary  to become a DJ for a radio station, I followed in his footsteps a few months later, when I landed a job at a sign company designing signs. He was single then and living with his parents and I was sorta single. Well...not really, my wife and kids had yet to arrive. Anyway, I'm over at his folk's place this day and we step outside with a couple of cold beers to greet the setting sun, dusk quickly descending and more importantly, share some pot.

                As we're standing on the porch passing the joint back and forth, he says to me, "How do you like our neighbour's garden?"

             It was a small backyard so the garden wasn't very big. Besides some lettuce and other tasty edibles, they were mainly growing corn, so I replied, "It's alright."

            "Take a closer look at the corn," he said.

            Although it was almost dark, I'm sure when my eyes bugged out, the whites glowed and could most likely be seen a block away. "Is that what I think it is?" I asked in disbelief.

            He nodded his head and answered, "Yup. I'd like to rip it off but as you can see, I don't feel like having my ass bit off." 

              His neighbours had two huge dogs roaming about the backyard, leaving gobs of spittle on the ground with every step. They were about the size of rottweilers that never seemed to take their eyes off of us. If there was a staring contest going on, they were definitely the winners! More out of curiosity than anything else I asked Jimmy, "Are they always outside?"

          "They seem to be, at least every time I come out here, they're always there watching me. They must be guarding his pot plants."

           "Too bad."

            And then suddenly, just as we toked up the last of the pot, a miracle occurred, it was as if we had made a wish on the first star of the night. The man of the house stuck his head outside and called in his dogs - most likely their time to eat.  Jimmy and I looked at one another and he says, "Are you thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?"

           "Do bears poop in the woods?" and then continued, "Have you got any ideas how to snatch those plants and getaway without being seen?"

             "It's not as easy as it looks is it? They could let those two mean looking dogs out at any moment."

           Free pot! This was too good to be true and before I knew what I was going to say the words just popped out of my mouth, "You grab your Volkswagen Beetle and pull up in the front of their house and I'll grab the pot!"

              While Jimmy went to get his car, I leaped the fence like Superman in a single bound. Like a ninja, I cautiously looked around and my ears were on high alert too for an opening door, the last thing I needed was a dog attached to my ass with his sharp teeth. Adrenaline pumping through my veins I dropped down on my ass and back and skooched along the rows of corn, ripping out marijuana plants as I went. Unable to hold anymore, I dashed down alongside the side of Jimmy's neighbour's house towards the street. I was young then and sprinting from any form of danger wasn't a problem - now you see me - now you don't!

          Jimmy was right on the ball! The back door of his Beetle was wide open as I tossed the huge armful of pot into the back seat and jumped in! I don't know which was loudest, the screeching of Jimmy's tires as he pulled away from the curb or us roaring from laughter. I'm sure just the aroma from the freshly-picked pot made us even more stoned than we already were until we looked at one another and Jimmy said what I was thinking, "You do realize we're stoned, half drunk and we're packin' a shit load of pot in the back seat. We could go to jail if we're pulled over." 

          Needless to say, we got clean away and had a very hazy summer due to his neighbour's crop...cheers, eh!