Considering everything that is going on in my life at the moment, I still believe that I will once again be a fairly normal person physically, certainly not the Trip who was able to leap a bar table in a single bound and sprint away from a saloon brawl, but will still be able to hopefully escape unscathed at least. Don't laugh, I've actually been in that position in my younger years, except when I landed on my back on the floor, I managed to roll over and quickly crawl away through the doors and then sprint off into the murky darkness - usually anyone who goes toe to toe, punch for punch, neither one wins. Now, with my slow-thinking chemo-brain and being as tough as a cream puff and unable to sprint away, I'd have to shuffle off at a snail's pace. But hey, those young man days have long passed and I've had to give up drinking beer, something I've always thoroughly enjoyed - loves the taste of a cold, cold beer!
The day before I once again started chemo treatments for the next four months, because my hands have begun trembling a wee bit, I managed to finish a commissioned painting depicting a vase of flowers. Now I know some artists would frown on painting such a thing but to me, when I received the photo, it became quite obvious that the bouquet was of a special interest to the person, a memento of some sort. And besides the fact that I will paint pretty much anything anyone wants, I also like to paint affordably, so that most anyone can afford a piece of my artwork. I have no idea how many portraits I have painted over the years but two that I did, one was of a woman dying of cancer to leave to her mother and the other painting was of a rabbi (and no, I am not Jewish - actually have never belonged to any sort of religious faith). The rabbi was the old man's father and both of his kids wanted the small portrait when he passed away, so he asked me if I could reproduce it. He paid me a great compliment when he came to pick up his two paintings because he couldn't tell which one was the original. Perhaps I should have become a forger? Anyway, as much as I would like another commissioned painting, I'm forced to hang up my brushes for the time being and hope the tremors will go away once all this cancer business has been concluded.
It's good to have goals and I'm a firm believer in setting goals, which I have in place even now. The thing about goal-setting is not to have grandiose, reach-for-the-stars, lofty ideals but have goals that can actually be reached, otherwise one may feel somewhat disappointed, depressed or like a loser if these goals aren't attained. Reaching a goal, no matter how small, has always given me a positive boost and a feeling of accomplishment. I'm not one to put my wishes out to the universe; to me, they should be ones that I can attain myself or perhaps with a little help from someone who will be a part of my goal - two people are always better than one, for example, my Daisy and me often help each other reach a goal. I realize treating my rectal cancer ailment will most likely leave me with some permanent problems but if I can once again use that hairy orifice in a normal manner or perhaps not quite in a normal manner, I feel that one of my goals will be in place. At this age, whether or not I had been diagnosed with cancer, there are not too many years remaining. Sure, I have a lot of regrets in regards to my past but one of my goals in life was not to be ordinary but nor did I wish to be extraordinary and I feel that is still a happening goal and will be maintained as such until I take my final breath. One future goal I'm hoping to reach is our next year cross-Canada, spreadin'-the-love tour hippie-style but if it doesn't happen, I'm not going to be discouraged; I've had a blast so far just preparing for our trip and in my mind, I've already tripped across to the west coast - peace, eh! - Trip
Cheers to you, Len!
ReplyDeleteThanks Liz - wish I could toast it with a cold beer!
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