A little over a year ago, I was just getting out of the hospital after having an operation where the doc disconnected the colostomy bag that had been attached to my belly and then put all my guts back in the correct places - or at least I hope he did. I was barely walking when I went home, if it could be called walking - to me, it was more like a slow shuffle and a jerky sway - if I was on a dance floor, it might look kinda cool as long as I didn't fall over. As the months dragged by, my energy level was at an all time low and so was the hair on my head. I was almost as bald as an apple and as sour as a green one. I had to use a cane and I was surprised when I looked back over my shoulder that I couldn't see a trail of slime like a slug leaves as it slides along the ground. Realizing my life would never be the same again, I was as bull-headed as ever and determined to be as normal as it was physically possible for a man to be without a proper functioning ass hole. When I was younger, I used to scope out the women but now it's toilets - would be more than a tell-tale trail of slime behind me if I have to make a mad dash to a washroom with the cheeks of my ass clenched so tight, it would probably take a crowbar to part them. Although I don't know what it's like to be pain-free anymore, I'm happy to say, my tolerance has grown more and more with each passing month. Actually, if I suddenly woke up pain-free, I'd most likely think something was terribly wrong with me. At least now, I'm able to walk along quite well and can even break the ice off the eaves, shovel the walkway and manage to remove most of the snow that's reachable off two roofs. Of course, I usually pay for my endeavours but it's amazing how a great soak up to my neck in lobster-red hot water relieves the aches combined with a little pot to alleviate the pain. Don't they say, "No pain - no gain." so I have to keep on truckin' right along.
Although I've come a long way since I was inflicted with rectal cancer, chemo and radiation taking a helluva toll, I certainly didn't get here alone. I have to doff my hat to a lot of doctors, nurses, care attendants and my wonderful wife, not to mention friends and neighbours. If there's anything I've learned throughout this ordeal is to take good advice and not be sucked into my so called bullshit pride - there's nothing wrong with asking for a helping hand. It's been a tough journey so far but I've traveled far, and perhaps, even if it's as far as I ever get, I'm still thankful to have reached this point. Of course my future is as slippery as a banana peel, slippery as an eel and it's for sure a slippery slope I'm clinging to but hell, life is what you make it, so I still plan on making the best of it, at least for an old man who no longer has a proper ass hole. Actually, come to think of it, not really sure I ever had one, because if one was able to fine tune a lot of sounds in the washrooms I attended over the years, my grunts and farts could probably still be heard...hmm...wonder if the stink still lingers too...cheers, eh!
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